Happy Father's Day!
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Today is Father's Day and that got me thinking about the question: What is a father?
For good or ill, we as a society are in the process of redefining our roles and responsibilities. Previous assumptions are proving inadequate for this "Brave New World" in which we live. Again, for good or ill.
And so today, Father's Day, I'd ask you all to consider, what makes a good father?
Is a good father someone who shows love? Kindness? Mercy? Who doesn't abuse his kids? Who doesn't hit them or his spouse? Someone who provides for the family in various ways? Many of our answers will be what a good father does and does not do.
Now tell me, are these qualities exclusive to fathers? To males? Or are they not qualities which would be present in good mothers as well?
What makes a good father then?
How many of us grew up in fear that our father or some other male authority figure in our lives was waiting in the wings to abuse us? To reject us? To condemn us? To hurt us in some way?
Not a good father...
But many fathers are not good.
How many of us have been abused by those whom we trusted? How difficult is it for us to trust others now as a result? To trust men? To trust women? To trust husbands or wives?
I believe that a major cause of the abuses in our lives stems from the patriarchy and the all too often misogynistic society in which we live. We are all the inheritors of a society which in so many ways denies the very core of our human dignity regardless of our sexual orientation by imposing roles and restrictions that frequently do not work for us as individuals.
The "ideal society" we are all coerced into conforming with, to fitting into, to be good little consumers of... simply don't work for large segments of the population any more, if it ever did!
The current gender imbalances imposed by society at large and the Religious Wrong in particular negatively effects us all -- regardless of our sexual orientation. As a society we are all the poorer for the way our society handles gender diversity.
As a male growing up in this society I was often forced into roles that just didn't work for me. I was repeatedly ridiculed and told that I was too effeminate, too gentle. Gentleness and sensitivity were viewed as bad things for reasons I never quite understood! I didn't like sports, I had no desire to fight - a big thing for male youths in the Old South of my childhood - and in general I just didn't fit in. I was odd, queer you might say both in usage and in historic practice.
And no, this is not why I have beard!
I was fortunate in that I was not the victim of incest or physical child abuse as so many others were, but every day in every way it was made abundantly clear through mental and emotional abuse that I was not OK, that I needed to change some core part of who I was. I was "different," I was "weird." I was the "other." And so as I grew I related to those who were outcasts from society. For this I became all the more an outcast. A vicious cycle which lead me to leave my home and family and eventually settle three thousands miles to the West, in California, the Land of Fruits and Nuts, as the welcome sign on I 10 reads.
To be sure God uses the bad things of our past for our advantage if we are open to it. Today I can stand firm for what I believe and who I am regardless of what others think about it in part because I have passed through many fires. Doubtless many of you can say the same! But abuse still takes its toll! Amen?
Indeed, we are all victims of sexism and patriarchal assumptions and prejudices, regardless of our sexual orientation.
But there is "Good News!" We have the Gospel! "Gospel" means Good News! There is good news for all of us! The Good News is that GOD loves and accepts us just as we are no matter what ANYONE says! The Good News is that together we can minimize or even end the cycle of abuse (or at the very least our part in it!). Together we can refuse to act in unloving ways. We can break the cycle of passing our problems on to the next generation! We can stand with those LGBT kids who are now coming up and show them they are not alone, that God loves them and so do we.
Abused people don't have to abuse others and through the power of God's Inclusive Love we can resist that tendency. Together we can change the world for the better! But we must act with conviction and with faith in the One Who loves us so! We must trust in God Who alone is our strength.
And we must! Because the old adage is true - no one is safe until everyone is safe.
No one is safe until everyone is safe.
Millions of boys continue to grow up being told that they are not "manly enough," that there is an indefinable 'something' missing in them. That it's their fault they don't fit in... that if they would only...
Only what? Be what they are not? Live as hypocrites, denying who they are as individuals and wearing a mask of deceit? Didn't Jesus condemn such hypocrisy? Yes he did!
The problem is that the predefined roles we are offered by society simply don't work for many of us. What are we to do?
And relating to women? Such abusive beliefs only perpetuate the injustices against women as these insecure men are told they must treat women in predefined sexist ways which deny their worth and perpetuate gender inequalities! That accursed little birdie in the conditioned brain whispers that if women are brought 'low' then men will appear 'higher.' Let them be the 'others,' not me! Besides, failure to do so results in accusations of homosexuality, personal weakness and social condemnation whether one is LGBT or not!
And nothing changes.
How many abused men continue to grieve over stolen childhoods and the roles that are imposed upon us by our sexist societies! That condemns our inborn need for love, compassion, tenderness, mercy... and our natural desire to connect with others in meaningful ways! The continuing hateful and misguided approach to gender issues which is upheld by the mass media and much of the Church hurts us all, regardless our sexual orientation.
All of us are the poorer for these inequities! We are all the victims! But we are also the only hope there is for a better tomorrow! We are the future! If not us, then who? If not now, then when?
If not us, then who? If not now, then when?
Now, I'm a preacher so -- and you must forgive me for this -- I tend to bring things back around to our relationship with God - I just can't help myself! In God I see the only hope we have for a better tomorrow. Without God I see only lack of direction, the lack of hope that comes when we lose our moral compass and foundation and faith. In God we hope for a better tomorrow and in God we are empowered to bring it about.
God does not need us!
We need God!
As a child I grew up with the idea that God was the Supreme Male. An old man with a long flowing beard -- and no, that's not why I have a beard either. It took me years to come to terms with this limiting conception of God, to understand that no, God is not Male, or at least, that God is so much more than that!
I grew up reciting the prayer: "Our Father who art in Heaven..."
I praised Jesus as the "Lord of Lord and Kings and Kings..."
I quoted the Bible that says: "He who has the Son has eternal life but he who has not the Son has not the life...."
And as I read and heard these things they sounded right to me! Its what I knew. I, a male child of the old South, prayed the "Lord's Prayer" to Jesus, my "Lord and King," and I encouraged every one to invite the "Son" into their hearts and become "men of God" -- even women, isn't that funny?
But then, as the years went by, as I pondered my relationship with "God the Father" it dawned on me that these and similar male pronouns were keeping me from entering into the fullness of who God really is! By limiting God to the role of Father and Supreme Male -- as a far away Zeus-like figure seated on a throne in some untouchable place called Heaven -- I was blocking HIM from being my Mother, my Friend and my constant Companion... And I had no realization of God's Grace! Only His awe, only His fear... but God is sooo much more than that!
And it dawned on me that God as "Father" had a power over me that was not always helpful, that at times was not really very Christian at all!
Once while doing street ministry in downtown Atlanta I came upon a prostitute who was sitting on a curb weeping. The notion of God as Judge and Father might have compelled me to speak against the "sins of fornication" and so on... but that was not what she needed. She knew far more about that than I did! Instead, I loved her in God's Name. She fell into my arms and sobbed. She sensed what we might think of as God the Mother, God the Compassionate, and she told me a tale of abuse and loss. Another prostitute, her best friend, had just been found murdered in hotel room... She surrendered her life to God that night as she realized for the first time in her life that God genuinely cared for her. I took her to the First Baptist Church of Atlanta and they cared for her and helped her get on her feet.
The point is, GOD is not and can not be limited by our religious conceptions! GOD provides what we need. We just have to be open.
And yet we foolishly challenge, "My dad can beat up your dad!" -- Did I really ever believe that God is "our Father" only? As Paul says:
I Corinthians 13:11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I felt as a child, I thought as a child. Now that I have become an adult, I have put away childish things.
13:12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I will know fully, even as I am fully known.
13:13 But now faith, hope, and love remain—these three. And the greatest of these is love.
I suppose I did believe this for a time, but God leads and as we follow we grow into spiritual adults. We tend to believe what we are told as kids. This is what makes prejudices like homophobia, racism and so on so very damaging!
So, what is a "father"?
In the crudest sense, a father is just a male seed giver! But is that all a father is?
When I think of my biological father his impregnating my mother is not what comes to mind! Thank God!
So I pondered, did I really believe that God is a male being with, you should pardon my lack of candor, a divine penis and set of holy testicles? Is that who and what God is? Surely God is more than that! Greater than that!
When the Bible says that we are all created in God's image, does that include God's Sacred Tool? Perhaps I go too far with this now...
But... how about women? Surely they must be lacking because they don't have the Sacred appendages!
What nonsense! Does anyone really believe this!
Yes, some do! Whether they would say it so bluntly or not!
The Religious Wrong obviously believes this, why else have women been treated as second class citizens for all these countless years when the Word says:
Galatians 3:28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Y'shua the Anointed.
We are all one in Jesus, Amen?
When we here at Grace Inclusive pray "Our Parent Who is in Heaven..." are we dishonoring God or denying the male aspect of the Creator? I can not believe we are. What we are doing is stating clearly for everyone to hear that God is greater than any pronoun or metaphor can convey!
God is not Male. God is not Female. Surely God is both and neither as that wonderful song Pastor Eden leads us in occasionally reminds us.
My God is not a woman
My God is not a man
God is both and neither
God is the Great I Am!
No, God's nature utterly transcends our finite minds.
Having said that, what I'd like to share this morning is not the conception of God as neither or both male and female - even though I believe that with all my heart - but rather, I'd like to speak about God as Our Father! Because God is Our Father and today is Father's Day!
To begin with, understand that when we refer to God we are speaking about the greatest Personality in all of existence, beyond existence. Whatever we say therefore is going to be incomplete, lacking, limitedly true at best. If God is truly the Supreme Person we believe then it should be obvious that there is no way our finite languages and minds will be able to convey His True Nature. We merely catch reflections from time to time as we ponder God's nature through the glass of our prayers and meditations, as Paul tells us at I Corinthians 13:12.
I can truly tell you that I have the ability to love, and yet God IS love. I can not say that. I have the desire to promote justice, yet God IS justice. I can not claim that. God IS the Totality, yet so much more than that! God is the Absolute Perfection of any quality we can name, and those we cannot name... and yet God is so much more than that!
However we can understand that even though several of us men here this morning are fathers, God is THE father. So we can catch a glimpse of God's Nature by this idiom of God as Father. We can glimpse the Divine Nature.
When my son -- sitting here in the third row this morning -- talks about me as his dad, he doesn't mean the act of procreation whereby his physical form came to be!
When he thinks about his dad, he thinks about the fun we have at the Boardwalk and the river, about the unconditional love he knows I have for him, about my acceptance of who he is as person and my unswerving commitment and loyalty to him and his assurance of these things. That's his dad. And he also knows that if he gets out of line I will hold him accountable, but always in love (of course he's a great guy and seldom needs it).
However -- unfortunately -- he may also recall the difficult times we've had too because you see, although I wish I could tell you that I've always been the perfect father, I have not. There have been times when I could have been more considerate of his feelings, times when I've hurt him with a careless word and so on. Try as I might, that is the nature of human relationships, of human fathers.
The same is true of our relationship with God. We're not always the holy children we should be and yet when we think of God our minds turn to our experiences with Him. We think of the times we were comforted when we felt alone and rejected, when God slipped His arm around our shoulders and consoled us, saw us through difficult events. We think of those blessed times when God's presence was undeniably so evident that our skin tingled under the touch of the Holy Spirit and our inner man... our inner person... broke out with spiritual songs in languages we did not know.
But you know what? Unlike earthly dads, God never blows it! What can we lay at His door or accuse Him of?
Those of us whose experiences with our biological fathers were at times less than positive, who were abused by them, who felt we could never be quite good enough to earn their approval or love...
These faults don't occur within the Fatherhood of God!
With God the Father we have the perfection of fatherhood made available to us. With God the Father we can experience the best of what fatherhood should have been for us. Those areas where our biological fathers were lacking find their perfection in God, our Father.
And so I ask you, did your father hurt you? Bring it to God the Father!
Did your father reject you? Bring it to God the Father!
Do you feel that your father never really loved or accepted you? Bring it to God the Father!
God the Father will never turn away from you, never reject nor condemn you. God the Father is the perfection of fatherhood!
God the Father loves you unconditionally and is eternally faithful! Never believe those who say otherwise.
So I'd encourage you, don't fear to worship God the Father. Don't grimace when you hear someone say "Jesus Christ is Lord!" No, celebrate God's maleness, even as you honor and proclaim God as Mother! Both are Biblical ways to conceive of the inconceivable God, so don't limit the One God with preconditions and religious dogma! God is alive this morning! God is here! Let God be God and rejoice in the Supreme Mystery of it all.
But, we still haven't uncovered the meaning of the "perfection of maleness" have we?
Are there specific male traits? One might say that firm discipline is the mark of a good father, and yet when I asked my son what a good father was, he said a good dad is one who cuts you some slack when you need it! Amen?
So, what is a good father? What is good mother? I believe this can be answered in a single word:
Love.
And the greatest of God's traits is Love.
A good father or mother loves their child and does what is needful and what is in the best interest of the child to the best of their ability.
God our Father, our Parent, gives us unconditional love. At times this love includes a shoulder we can cry on. At times it brings discipline and direction to our lives to help us grow as people. At times insight and wisdom is received from God and at times, yes indeed, God cuts us a LOT of slack when we fail to achieve the mark set before us.
To me, what makes God a great Father is the same thing that makes God a great Mother! God responds to our needs and cares deeply about each of us. God's Love is whatever we need it to be - even when we may not know what we need! God knows. God understands. God is here.
So we say, "Let God be God!"
When we do this, God is what we need God to be. Its a perfect relationship of Love and Grace!
Are we at times attempting to limit God? We are when we set parameters on Who God can be and what God can do... and what God can do through us!
Friends, God created maleness and so maleness is a trait or characteristic of God. And (not but) God is more! The perfection of Maleness. Have you been hurt by human maleness? Give that hurt to God the Father. If you need to speak with God the Mother about this hurt, God will be that for you as well! God is not limited by theology, philosophy or human wrought creeds!
And God is waiting to console you, to support you, to hear your cries and to ease your fears. Right now. Right where you are.
As we prepare for communion this morning I'd encourage you all to first go to the alter. Spend some time there with God before taking as the Spirit leads you. Tell God how you've been hurt by the men in your life, by the women in your life. Speak that hurt to God, vocalize it, don't hold back; you can shout here at Grace inclusive if you want to! Amen? Acknowledge the pain and the resentment you feel to the God who loves you so. HE is there for you.
Ask God to forgive your wrongs and to heal those hurts. Ask God to forgive those who have hurt you and to bless them.
It can be very healing and freeing to pray for those who have harmed us. If you can't do this, then ask at least for peace. Peace of mind that you have laid it all before God. If you feel guilt, share that with God as well and receive forgiveness. Pray for the Peace that you can now go beyond that hurt, beyond that pain to be the person you and God want you to be.
Know that God the Parent is everything your biological parents were not and could never have been. Go to the God who loves you unconditionally, just as you are right now, right here. Jesus is waiting for you to come. Just as you are, without one plea, but that his blood was shed for thee."
I say to you my friends, allow yourselves to be blessed by God the Father this morning! God is waiting.
When you are ready, Pastor Eden and I will meet you at the Master's Table to serve you communion. If you'd like prayer with one us or wish to share a need, we're here for you. If you want prayer for a physical, emotional, financial or other kind of healing, we'll be happy to pray and anoint you with oil.
Just as YOU are!
You are visitor number...
Who cares, I'm glad YOU'RE here!
Who cares, I'm glad YOU'RE here!
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Visit The Not-so Sacred Book of John Not The Apostle
